


freedom is a gun to the head

by diashann



Series: Stolen Youth [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, teaser
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 08:00:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13947225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diashann/pseuds/diashann
Summary: A teaser of what’s to come in the Stolen Youth Series





	freedom is a gun to the head

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make this as spoiler free as humanly possible

 

_He found her in her small bedroom within the cabin where they were supposed to be safe. She was pacing back and forth, the sight making him slightly wary because he didn’t really know what to expect in terms of her mental state. People they cared about dearly were no longer there and their safe haven somehow felt too quiet; devoid of laughter and familiarity. Even with all that he had been through — maybe because of all that he had been through — Bucky knew what the absence of love and joy felt like. No one could brainwash that out of him, there would always be the feeling that something was missing.  
_

_Fallon paused her pacing the second she noticed she wasn’t alone anymore, at least in the physical sense. She felt like she was losing her mind, like the earth had been ripped out from under her, like everything she loved had turned to ashes. The thought of this made her almost want to give up on the one thing she had left, but she refused to do that. Despite losing a handful of people she held near and dear, there were still a few people who needed her to be somewhat emotionally available; one person in particular. She tried her best to not let the cabin remind her of her brief stint in exile; the exile that had been her idea, the exile that led to all this pain and suffering._

_He cleared his throat, “I came to check on you.”_

_She gave him a blank look, her body clean but her hands still feeling like they were covered in blood. The thought that she could be going through PTSD had occurred to her already, she didn’t need Bruce to tell her that... or Jane. After a few moments of no reply, Bucky mustered enough courage to look at her. She looked tired, jittery, and — worst of all — scared. There were dark circles around her eyes and even her beautiful brown skin seemed paler than usual. Her lips were chapped, thick hair in a messy bun, and those big brown eyes seemed empty. He knew what was happening to her. He had to fight every day to make sure he didn’t break or run away, and it had only been a few weeks since things spiraled out of control in New York._

_Feeling his eyes burn into her, her resolve wavered just a bit, her eyes avoiding him as her mannerisms gave away the fact that she was desperately trying to hide. “I’m fine, Bucky...” Fallon finally croaked, voice a little weak from lack of use._

_He clenched his jaw, trying his best to keep his annoyance at bay. He knew it was hard to open up about these things, especially since he was the same man who never opened up to his best friend. Why would he expect Fallon to open up to him? He was nothing more to her than the man who killed her mother, at worst. At best, he was her teammate. But they barely had a team anymore. Their mission was successful, sure... but at what cost?_

_“You’re not fine, you haven’t been out of this room for two days...” he said softly, after regaining his composure._

_She exhaled harshly, running her hands down her face. Fallon suspected a talk would be coming, but she didn’t know it would happen so soon. “I ate breakfast with you yesterday,” Fallon argued, almost no bite in her tone._

_Her hands were still covering her face and Bucky almost turned out of the room and left, but he couldn’t do any of this on his own. And he knew she couldn’t either._

_“Look... I know this is a dark time, I get that, but I can’t be there for her all the time. She needs you,” he said plainly, trying to be as sympathetic as he possibly could. For weeks he had to watch her fight this battle with herself, this sickness that was getting in the way of logic and a bond that should never be questioned or broken._

_Fallon stiffened a bit, Sargent Barnes’ broaching of two very heavy subjects making her feel dizzy. She finally got up the courage to uncover her face and look at him. His eyes were soft and he looked just as tired as she felt; the dark circles around his eyes were a dead giveaway. She hadn’t looked in a mirror in what felt like ages but she absently wondered if she looked worse than he did; A large part of her didn’t even want to know the answer. Her eyes quickly roamed the rest of him and aside from the tired eyes, he seemed way more put-together than she felt._

_“I know she needs me... but I...”_

_Bucky felt this strong urge to comfort her, to tell her that he’d continue to help her to the best of his abilities. When he stepped forward to close a bit of the distance between them, Fallon instinctually flinched and took a step backwards; There was a bed between them and she still shied away. He tried not to let the hurt expression onto his face but he failed miserably._

_“I.. I’m sorry, it’s not you. I’m not... I’m not scared of you. I just, I think I have...”_

_“PTSD,” he said, voice still soft._

_Fallon nodded, looking down at her feet, and then at the bed that was the only barrier between them. That distance felt much larger, though. Rationally speaking, she knew it was just a bed, but it felt like an ocean. She couldn’t let him in, but what other options did she have? Very few. She tried to make it acceptable, in her head, but letting Bucky in would go against everything she said back in New York. She said she would never forgive him and, at the time, she had meant that. But she didn’t know what she felt anymore. Those past few weeks, he’d been there for her in ways that neither of the men she’d loved ever had. And, in tiny and quiet moments shared between them, she had seen an entirely new side to James Buchanan Barnes. It would be irrational to blame him for what happened to her mother, she’d always known that, but at the same time... it was him that drained the life from Monica Fury, those hands, those same hands she wanted to pull her into an embrace for comfort._

_She didn’t know how long they would have to stay there, in that cabin, but the trauma and their supposed safe haven being a constant reminder of her ill-advised exile was more than enough to bring her walls tumbling down._

_“I’m here for you,” Bucky said, his oceanic eyes staring right into hers._

_Fallon opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by the desperate cry of an infant._

_“I think she’s hungry,” she said, instead of saying what she really wanted to say. Her glistening brown eyes leaving his as tears threatened to fall. Before Bucky could get a word in, she was swiftly exiting the room, not sparing him a glance as she did so._


End file.
